Not a Good Day
by hibiren
Summary: Joseph tears his pants while catching a shoplifter and has to find a change of clothes before Sebastian can call him out on needing new pants. [repost from my ao3 account]


It took Joseph about ten minutes of fidgeting at his desk after they'd returned to figure out something was wrong. Earlier that day, the two detectives were out on patrol and were flagged down by someone to chase after a shoplifter—who thought it would be a good idea to jump a fence.

Joseph, being the more agile, climbed up after him. In the end he was cornered by Sebastian (who'd gone around the fence, knowing there was no way he'd be able to catch up in time) and was successfully arrested; the stolen merchandise returned safely to the store. Although unfortunately the only victim at the end of it was Joseph's pants. A good two inch gash was ripped into the side, where his pants pocket had caught on the wire of the fence.

"Hey, Seb?"

"Mm?" His partner looked up from his paperwork. "What?"

"I'll be right back." Joseph stood and tried not to look awkward as he turned the ripped-pants side of his body away from Sebastian and sidled out the door. "Have to use the bathroom."

"Be careful in there, I may or may not have… you know."

"Sebastian!"

Sebastian chuckled in response. "Joking—I'm joking, Jo, calm down. Don't get your panties in a wad."

Joseph was glad Sebastian couldn't see the look on his face. Instead he sighed and made his way to the bathroom where he finally had a chance to inspect the battle damage his pants had suffered.

To make Joseph's day even better, he realized that he left his emergency sewing kit in his car, which was all the way out in the parking lot. Meaning he would have to make a run for it and hope no one saw him or tie his coat around his waist and pray no one asks questions while he went out to find it.

Plan B would have been fantastic.

Except he had no coat.

With a loud groan Joseph searched his mind for any other options. There might still be a spare pair of uniform pants in the storage room, and since no one went in there half the time it would be a safe place to change. With his plan mostly decided, Joseph pulled the bathroom door open and darted for the storage room, one hand against his hips trying to keep his pants together.

Connelly passed Joseph in his hurry down the hall and turned to wave at him. "Hey, what's the rush?"

"Not now, Connelly, I can't talk—"

"Guess I'll go tell Castellanos then. He enjoys story time, especially when it involves that girl from Dispatch. Hehe."

"Well, have fun, then. I'm a bit busy…" Joseph was already halfway to the storage room by the time Connelly was finished speaking. He thought he'd never make it this far, so things were going somewhat smoothly. All that was left was to find his replacement pants.

It took Joseph a few minutes of navigating through the rows of shelves after switching on the lights to find what he was looking for. Pants. There was a pair folded neatly on the bottom shelf, which, when Joseph unfolded them, happened to be just his size. They had to be his old uniform pants, given the small "J. ODA" written in black on the inside tag. It was a good thing he'd had the insight to do that when he'd worn them previously.

Quickly Joseph stripped out of his torn pants to put on the new ones. He hoped Sebastian would either not notice the change of pants or just notice anyway but not say anything. But that was wishful thinking. Knowing his partner, he'd probably try to call him out on it, given that these new pants were deep navy blue, and not black like his dress pants.

As he'd stepped out of one leg, Joseph caught sight of his underwear, which somehow managed to stay in one piece. He frowned, though, when he remembered one important detail. It was laundry day, and the only underwear he had left was a purple, lacy thong that Sebastian bought him once as the result of having lost a game of Strip Poker, but thankfully never having to wear them due to a redemption bet over whether or not he'd win the second round. Since then Joseph had a strong loathing for any gambling games. Secretly he was glad he kept them, or he would have had to go commando, which was absolutely not an option no matter how desperate the man was.

All Joseph needed to do was make it another two hours and then he could go home, do laundry, and never have to look at that unsightly lavender lace ever again.

Before he could pull on his replacement pants the rest of the way, he heard the door open and the unfortunate sound of his partner's voice echoing through the room.

"Hey, Jo, you in here? I can't find m—"

Joseph scrambled to pull up his pants and nearly tripped over himself trying to hide, but it was too late. Sebastian stood before him at the door with an incredulous look spread across his face.

"Jesus, Joseph, a little warning next time?"

"How was I supposed to know you'd come barging in here?!" He didn't think he could pull his pants up fast enough and try to zip them with what little remaining dignity he had.

"I didn't know you had a thing for… that."

"I don't! I'm only wearing the stupid thing because it's laundry day."

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

"Trying to hide your secrets? Those better be women's pants too, or I'll be disappointed…" Sebastian said with a slight joking pout.

"If you must know, I ripped my pants while we were chasing that guy—which, you're welcome, by the way—and I needed to change into a new pair because I couldn't find my sewing kit, and…"

"Joseph." This time Sebastian's voice was a little quieter, less playful.

"What?!"

"…you make those look pretty damn good, you know."

"Um… thanks… Now, would you please never tell anyone about this? Ever?"

"Don't lose next Poker Night and you've got a deal," Sebastian said with a wink.

"I hate you..."

"Love you, too."


End file.
